Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (519)

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF

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  (519): someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF http://tfl.nu/7zg4
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  You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.

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  (519): You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you. http://tfl.nu/7uzq
  Replies (5) Good night (1784) Bad night (892)
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  we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning

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  (519): we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning http://tfl.nu/bwa3
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  He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.

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  (519): He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship. http://tfl.nu/txlk
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  I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.

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  (519): I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here. http://tfl.nu/gd63
  Replies (7) Good night (2730) Bad night (521)
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  Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.

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  (519): Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen. http://tfl.nu/rpyn
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  I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?

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  (519): I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen? http://tfl.nu/tjza
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  I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer

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  (519): I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer http://tfl.nu/xxja
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  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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  (519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vafe
  Replies (5) Good night (4606) Bad night (582)
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  Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.

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  (519): Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay. http://tfl.nu/0328
  Replies (6) Good night (1150) Bad night (1228)
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  Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.

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  (519): Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it. http://tfl.nu/tzzv
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  My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.

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  (519): My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again. http://tfl.nu/uf58
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  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

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  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
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  I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today

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  (519): I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today http://tfl.nu/56ng
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  i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here

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  (519): i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here http://tfl.nu/yje7
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