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someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
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