Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears