Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.