You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night