Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.