I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?