At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!