WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.