We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights