Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time