He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.