Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this