Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (574)

Last Night in Indiana (574)

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Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.

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At least you didn't call me Brittany this time

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(574): Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa. (260): At least you didn't call me Brittany this time http://tfl.nu/6s1p

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Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.

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(574): Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility. http://tfl.nu/np4w

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Whiskey??

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It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...

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(574): Whiskey?? (706): It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale... http://tfl.nu/yixa

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I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?

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Predator. Straight up.

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(574): I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator? (1-574): Predator. Straight up. http://tfl.nu/63zz

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Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom

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(574): Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom http://tfl.nu/tatf

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So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.

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Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

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(574): So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap. (574): Side Note: My mute button doesn't work. http://tfl.nu/2spl

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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool

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(574): Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool http://tfl.nu/b45a

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I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN

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(574): I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/b0a5

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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.

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(574): It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers. http://tfl.nu/dqn1

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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex

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(574): how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex http://tfl.nu/ior9

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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.

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(574): Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance. http://tfl.nu/jrt8

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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water

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desperate times, desperate measures

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(574): most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water (1-574): desperate times, desperate measures http://tfl.nu/2k3a

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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?

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(574): should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know? http://tfl.nu/sb56

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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.

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(574): i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand. http://tfl.nu/cuvt

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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you

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(574): No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you http://tfl.nu/4deb

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Last Night in Indiana (574)

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