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Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
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