I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.