The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD