Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (505)

Last Night in New Mexico (505)

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Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?

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(505): Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook? http://tfl.nu/pdxj

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I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.

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(505): I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them. http://tfl.nu/0g2b

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Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.

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(505): Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit. http://tfl.nu/y65n

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I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.

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(505): I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/qapf

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No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens

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(505): No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens http://tfl.nu/a8dq

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Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.

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(505): Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops. http://tfl.nu/78kv

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He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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(505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr

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I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.

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(505): I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets. http://tfl.nu/lw2y

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I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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(505): I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled. http://tfl.nu/wz50

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I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

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(505): I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously. http://tfl.nu/fpp3

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No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.

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(505): No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey. http://tfl.nu/fq2r

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The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.

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(505): The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting. http://tfl.nu/bmo9

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My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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(505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu

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My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

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(505): My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though. http://tfl.nu/1gr0

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I thought you said his peep was too small

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it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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(505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw

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Last Night in New Mexico (505)

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