Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (423)

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  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

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  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
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  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

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  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
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  If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom

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  (423): If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom http://tfl.nu/66s8
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  so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.

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  (423): so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win. http://tfl.nu/dvpb
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  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

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  I don't wanna die...

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  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
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  i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.

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  (423): i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago. http://tfl.nu/sxj3
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  he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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  (423): he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses http://tfl.nu/s1hg
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  come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again

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  (423): come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again http://tfl.nu/f993
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  I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.

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  (423): I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4. http://tfl.nu/p8en
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  small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party

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  so no drinking for you?

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  don't be silly

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  (615): small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party (423): so no drinking for you? (615): don't be silly http://tfl.nu/xiol
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  two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.

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  (423): two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars. http://tfl.nu/vo0x
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  today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married

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  (423): today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married http://tfl.nu/xv8o
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  Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely

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  (423): Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely http://tfl.nu/wliv
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  He played with my vagina like it was a turntable

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  (423): He played with my vagina like it was a turntable http://tfl.nu/xc9s
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  I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator

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  (423): I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator http://tfl.nu/6zcj
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