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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
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