I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.