Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.