My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
