I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.