dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize