it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!