Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.