Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
