I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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