You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.