Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.