There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.