Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (847)

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.

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  (847): I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it. http://tfl.nu/gdcc
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  I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face

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  (847): I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face http://tfl.nu/ydcz
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.

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  (847): No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it. http://tfl.nu/l9mq
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  Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets

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  (847): Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets http://tfl.nu/vbys
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  his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts

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  (847): his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts http://tfl.nu/kozn
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  cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on

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  (847): cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on http://tfl.nu/ommd
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?

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  (847): Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine? http://tfl.nu/wblw
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  Just so you know, I have a bf.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.

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  (847): Just so you know, I have a bf. (405): I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful. http://tfl.nu/esk6
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

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  (847): there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check http://tfl.nu/dzvq
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  This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

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  (847): This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword. http://tfl.nu/au8n
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  And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.

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  I should injure you considerably.

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  (847): And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so. (1-847): I should injure you considerably. http://tfl.nu/3r9j
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  For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.

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  (847): For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining. http://tfl.nu/2itw
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  yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.

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  (847): yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her. http://tfl.nu/lht2
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?

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  (847): so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed? http://tfl.nu/gsu7
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  I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.

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  (847): I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet. http://tfl.nu/ancz
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