...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER