We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.