drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!