I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.