I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.