I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?