Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize