The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
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He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.