We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.