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Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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