Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday