Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Dakota (701)

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  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
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  For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.

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  (701): For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza. http://tfl.nu/ui1g
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  ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO

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  (701): ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO http://tfl.nu/t2mi
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  i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??

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  (701): i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this?? http://tfl.nu/hqqq
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  Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?

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  (701): Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/5yc2
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  I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.

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  (701): I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships. http://tfl.nu/filq
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  If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.

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  (701): If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs. http://tfl.nu/qa5n
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  Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?

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  (701): Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it? http://tfl.nu/2zni
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  All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.

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  (701): All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats. http://tfl.nu/27ky
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  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

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  (701): Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/s47d
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  They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"

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  (701): They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?" http://tfl.nu/4dfl
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  Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"

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  (701): Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro" http://tfl.nu/ltp9
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  Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...

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  (701): Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty... http://tfl.nu/qvnt
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  Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..

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  (701): Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover.. http://tfl.nu/al9t
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  Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

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  The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

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  (701): Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend. (701): The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer. http://tfl.nu/9cgs
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