Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?