Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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