I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon