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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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