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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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