you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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