She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.