Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.