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Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
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