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Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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