Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (337)

Last Night in Louisiana (337)

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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.

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(337): You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left. http://tfl.nu/h7ai

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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun

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(337): I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun http://tfl.nu/exga

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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.

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(337): Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird. http://tfl.nu/9vhr

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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth

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(337): The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth http://tfl.nu/th81

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Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine

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(337): Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine http://tfl.nu/2dy1

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so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.

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(337): so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ckx3

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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.

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(337): After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested. http://tfl.nu/exbc

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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...

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(337): I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job... http://tfl.nu/0251

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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.

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(337): I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe. http://tfl.nu/8iw1

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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.

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(337): Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture. http://tfl.nu/8896

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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

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(337): How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/ms4s

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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale

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(337): There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale http://tfl.nu/27tf

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Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.

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(337): Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/ao6t

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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.

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(337): He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share. http://tfl.nu/463q

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Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.

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(337): Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night. http://tfl.nu/5kyl

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Last Night in Louisiana (337)

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