Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit