He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.