How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"