Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?