Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility