Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.