Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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