And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too