I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor