I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts