someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you still have your period?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm going to jail i love you