It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He felt like a one man threesome
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed