I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.