GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.