never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I chose taco bell over sex...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.