You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.