I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"