Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor